Get Their Attention...By Any Means Necessary

I've been sporting a beard lately. Not like this bushy thing that a monkey could hold onto, but some scruff, a nice layer of stubble. And people, ladies in particular, have actually been responding to it. There have been a couple times in my life when I've decided to try some sort of a beard...I had a goatee for a few months in college. Then I saw what I looked like in pictures with it and realized it was absolutely hideous. It's funny how things can look different on a camera than in the mirror.

 

I had never liked my mustache at all though. I always felt it made me look kind of sleazy. But, that changed when I got my kidney stone. Yes, that's right, tweny-four and I managed to get a kidney stone. They're genetic apparently, so I can thank my father and grandfather for that, and you can get them at any age. Point being, I was bed-ridden for four days from the pain, without giving a shit about shaving. It's not uncommon for me to go a few days without shaving the stubble on my cheeks and chin, but every day I shave my mustache. But not this time. After I was better, I sort of like what was becoming of my face...so I kept it. And things changed.

 

I looked older. I felt older. People started responding to me differently. It felt nice. And when I had to shave it off for an interview, it was the first time in my life that I wasn't happen with my clean shaven baby face. It was as if I shaved five years off. Scruff made me rougher. It made me distinguished. It made me happy.

 

But that's not what I truly mean by "Get their attention by any maens necessary."

 

I was at a party last weekend. My friend Cahill's little sister was throwing a house party. So, she would have her college-aged friends, and it was me and my alumni friends. Sure to be a dichotomous situation. And it was. It was awkward, and quite split up, much like a high school dance, until most of us got a fair amount of alcohol into our systems. Then, there was a knock at the door:

 

BANG, BANG! I'm the guy closest to the door, so I decide to open it. And, note, I've got a nice buzz going, and I'm pretty friendly and outgoing (interpreted as annoying) when buzzed. I open the door, and standing there is this awkward, lanky looking kid with somewhat of a comb-over holding two pies.

 

"PIES! You can come in!" Is the first thing I say to this kid, who didn't seem entertained by me. I was so captivated by the idea of consuming the pies that this kid was holding that I quickly ushered him inside and slammed the door behind him. It wasn't a moment after I slammed the door that I heard "HEY!" and a pounding on the other side.

 

First though: "Shit. I slammed the door on a girl."

Second thought, after opening the door and seeing her not too pleased reaction: "Shit. I slammed the door on the hottest girl at the party."

 

I tried to apologize to her, claiming ignorance that I hadn't seen her without mentioning being distracted by the pies, but she whisked by me in a huff, with no intention of speaking to me again.

 

I kinda didn't care...because I had a nice buzz going...but I kinda cared...because this party lacked any attractive girls and I just pissed off the only one. Quick, Riley, fix this!

 

I approached this girl as genuinely and as confidently as I could, introducing myself, apologizing myself for my indiscretion, and attempting to use my graduate status and worldly knowledge to gain this girl's rapport. Someway, somehow, perhaps it was the confidence left over from when I went to the club and actually got a girl to hit on me, perhaps it was the beard, or perhaps it was the alcohol alone...we ended up making out during the course of a game of King's Cup no thanks to a gay man picking an ace and making a rule that you've got to kiss somone when you drink.

 

And she chose me. And ever since the party, she has not left me alone. Too bad she goes to college in Delaware. Oh, and I found out later that she's nineteen...oops.

 

We joke constantly about me slamming the door in her face, and wondered if the night would have gone differently had that not happened. Would she even have cared enough to talk to me? Would I have cared enough to talk to her? We're not sure, but I'm pretty positive that there is a lesson here:

 

Get the girl's attention, by any means necessary. I mean, if you're going to do something that will potentially shine a negative light on you, make sure you've got a plan to redeem yourself. But the fact of the matter is, make her remember you somehow. Because if she remembers you, even if it's in a slightly bad/accidental way...you're already in her brain. :)

 

-Riley out.